Saturday, May 30, 2009

This is $60,000 *(! *$@! Car Man!

So the family and I venture out for a quick trip to Target today.  On the way, we see this very pretty old, but shiny, blue Studebaker.  Benji and I comment on how nice it is and how we would not dare drive it out in public.  Well, a few minutes later we get behind the car at the red light at Jason's Deli on Hwy 29.  We are the 3rd car at the light when the light changes to Green.  The Stude (as we will call it) breaks (or chokes) down and the driver cannot get it going right away. There is a line of cars behind us and we can not get around, so Benji motions for the other cars to pass us.  They all do, but we cannot move.  We notice that the Stude starts rolling backwards, but were quite positive that the people in the car were aware of it.  Benji is still trying to get over when I notice the Stude is about to roll into us, so I reach over and honk the horn.  About that time, the Stude rolls into us and the woman in the car raises her hands as if to shout "Ya'll hit us". There was not even a bump on our end when they rolled, just a little nudge.  Out jumps old, leathered taters (AKA old, rich people who are apparently on their way to a classic car show) and the man ( with his pastel clothes, bad toupee, leathery skin and porno mustache) jumps out and yells to Benji "You hit my $60,000 car".  I will leave out the expletives that came from Benji, but B yelled back and said you hit me, you idiot.  What are you doing?  I motion Benji back into the car and am dialing 911 because I know that we are going to have a problem.  Berni (think weekend at Bernies, the driver of the Stude) gets on his phone and apparently calls some friends.  Before the cops can get there, Bernie's friend has pulled up in his muscle car and parks in front of the Stude and gets out almost to say that he had been there the whole time.  The cops question them and then us and verify that no damage has been done, however we all know that the person in the back is always at fault.  About that time, an older guy comes up to my window and says that he and his wife saw the entire thing and can witness that Bernie rolled into us.  He nicely talks to the cops and gives his view of the story, also our version.  The woman in the Stude, we will call her Liz (short for Elizabeth Taylor, and in her pastel capris and Key West visor), starts yelling at Benji that there was no way they were rolling because the car was in park.  They were both so obviously lying.  Why would the car be in park at the light and yes, with a straight drive it will roll backwards.  Benji, who at any other time probably would have beat the old man down in the middle of the road, did not say at word and just stood there and waited on the cops to discuss the situation.  One of the cops asked Liz to please be quiet and to get back in the car.  In the end, no one was charged even though we should have asked for a new tag, since ours was bent.  I think that had the witness not come up, Bernie and Liz  and their friend would have conjured up a story so that we would be adding to the classic car collection.  Bernie even told the cop that the witness, who was from Union, must have been a friend of ours.  Long story short, I would rather be a middle class, sometimes a little redneck, honest mom than a rich, bad style, lying tater.  
The end!

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